Emotional Intelligence At Work - Use emotional expression to connect and gain trust

Emotional Intelligence At Work - Use emotional expression to connect and gain trust

Emotional self-expression is a valuable skill of emotional intelligence which can be scary as well as productive. The skill is in expressing your emotions authentically and effectively. The scary part is confronting your own fears of being rejected, or being seen as weak and "inappropriate."
Why would you want to express you emotions in the workplace? (Especially when the traditional approach is to "leave your feelings at the door.") There are at least three good reasons to express, which run counter to business myth:

When you express your emotions you become more trustworthy and more credible. Myth has it that expressing feelings makes you suspect and that you can't be counted on to be stable. The reality is when you express effectively you are more real, credible and safe.

The operative word here is effective. That means communicating in a way that others do not feel obliged to fix you or take care of you emotionally. So...No hooks attached! You must be OK with being real and you must express for no other reason that to be real and connected to yourself. If you have judgments about your own feelings or if you are trying to negatively influence, it will backfire. Consider the times that someone tried to make you feel guilty. You may have gone along at the time but you resented it and that created separation and maybe even an adversarial position.

Emotional expression makes you powerful. Myth says that the opposite occurs, you become weaker. When you genuinely and effectively express your feelings you are congruent and are experienced as authentic. People away know there is something going on anyway. When you hide, they just "bookmark" you as being like everyone else - not real. When you express, they consider you as someone who takes a stand and can be respected.

Emotional expression makes you available. you may think that when you become vulnerable, especially at work, that others may take advantage. When you learn to be more transparent you will discover that it is one of the most powerful things that you can do to increase productive connection with others.
What does effective emotional expression sound like?  I recently came across an article from a traditional management training company that demonstrates business as usual. In the two example situations that follow, I'll contrast the traditional approach with an emotional intelligence approach to give you some ideas:

Situation 1: You've been coming in late and are worried that you may be seen as a slacker.
Traditional recommendation: Make sure the boss knows you're putting in extra hours at home. Say this: "I had to work over the weekend on this report, but I think you'll agree the extra effort was worth it."
Emotional intelligence approach: First Saying you had to work makes you sound like a victim and powerless. If you worked extra you CHOSE to do that and that makes you powerful. The communication sounds like a guilt trip. It would have a negative affect on me, how about you?

Say this instead: "I've come in late a few times and I'm afraid that you think I'm a slacker. How do you feel about it?" This approach makes you real and ask the boss to be real in joining you. Then you can show the great results you got from your weekend project.

Situation 2: You want your boss to be in a good mood when you deliver bad news.
Traditional recommendation: Deliver bad news in the context of what you're doing to fix the situation or make it better. Say this: "The Acme sale fell through, so we're launching a quick sales campaign with the other customers to make up the revenue loss."

Emotional intelligence approach: Showing your own feelings makes your authentic. Soliciting the bosses feelings makes you empathetic, helps neutralize emotional impact and connects you.

Say this instead: "We lost the Acme sale and I'm feeling pretty disappointed. How do you feel about it?" After validating your boss's feelings, You can offer,"We have decided to launch a quick sales campaign with the other customers to make up the revenue loss. what do you think?" This shows initiative, and also invites her input and gets support.

EQ Tip: When learning to express your feelings, start small to gain confidence. Start with a close friend or your spouse and as you gain more confidence try it at work. Just remember that sooner or later you are going to have to move past your fears and be real.

Joseph Liberti
EQ At Work

Copyright 1998-2007 Joseph Liberti. All rights reserved. Joseph Liberti coaches leaders and coaches to liberate authentic self through the development of emotional intelligence. Feel free to copy and distribute this article as long as you keep this credit. For more excerpts from Joseph's new book visit the True You Blog.