Using emotional intelligence and leading with a yes will improve your results, and could get you more business or improve your reputation, but you may have to break a habit and let go of your story.
Oh Maaaan
"We are building a cabin in your area and I am interested in buying a large propane tank and arranging for propane delivery. Can you help me?" I asked. "Where do you live and how big a tank do you want?" she said. I gave her my location and told her I thought I needed a 250 gallon tank and wanted the kind I could bury in the ground. "Oh maaaan," came the disgusted-sounding response. "Why would you want to do that?" I gave my reasons and she told me why that was a mistake, gave me some prices and said "I don't know about delivery in that area, you'll have to talk to the boss."
We Don't Do That
"This is Mo. How can I hep you? said the boss when he came on the line.
We Don't Do That
"This is Mo. How can I hep you? said the boss when he came on the line. I explained my location was 1.5 miles from a county road on a level, national park road. "We don't deliver to anybody that's not on a county road," he said. Before I could respond, he went in to a lengthy and heated defense of his position citing weather, risks and more. Then I answered a few more questions about our location and after he wound down, he allowed that they might deliver to us but only in the summer and only after inspecting the site when we had the driveway in.
I understand his concerns about the risk of getting his truck stuck. He might have handled the situation differently and made it easier and more productive for both of us. By managing my own emotions and being empathetic and positive I was able to increase rapport and at least end up with a relationship and a possibility of getting my propane. "Call and ask for Mo, nobody would know who you meant if you said Maurice, and I'll come up and take a look," he said with a chuckle when we ended the call. But I'm holding on to the thought that there might be someone more positive to do business with.
No But or Yes And
What he presented was a condition of "No, but." What would have immediately worked better is "Yes, and." What he did say is: "No we don't deliver there but we might if ...etc. What he could have said was: "Yes we'll be happy to serve you and we can can only deliver to that area when the weather is good and the roads are clear."
What my new friend Mo would have needed to do is manage his own emotional reaction, be empathetic and focus on serving me by being a Yes, even if it meant suggesting an alternative. He could have said "Yes, we understand and would love to serve you and the only way we could do it is if we mounted your tank on a trailer and you towed it up to your property. (As one dealer suggested.) Or "Yes we'd love to serve you and Smith and Company can do it better.
A Yes And would have left me feeling positively about the man and his business. I might have referred people or at the least remembered his kind consideration and spoken will of him. A No first answer is remembered but with opposite effect.
EQ Tip: Notice the times that you are a No first. Work on stopping your reaction. Depersonalize the situation. Tell yourself, "This is not about me." Be a Yes And first, instead of a No.
Joseph Liberti
Copyright 1998-2007 Joseph Liberti. All rights reserved. Joseph Liberti, president of EQ At Work, coaches leaders and coaches to liberate authentic self through the development of emotional intelligence. Feel free to copy and distribute this article as long as you keep this credit. For more excerpts from Joseph's new book visit the True You Blog.
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