Emotional Intelligence At Work

Use Your Anger To Gain Clarity

You can use your anger with emotional intelligence to gain clarity and make better decisions.

Bhudda said, "Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." With all respect to Bhudda, holding onto your anger briefly, with emotional intelligence, can dissipate it's energy and it's ability to compel your behavior and... open up new possibilities.

Anger is frequently a cover up for something else. For example:  You react with anger when someone cuts  you off on the freeway but what is really happening is you got scared when you thought your life was at risk. Or, you are irritated with the impending changes at work and resist but what's really going on is you are fearful of losing security. Working with your anger briefly reveals deeper meaning and enables better choices.

EQ Tip: Try this. Hold onto your anger briefly, focus your attention on it and have this conversation with yourself.

1. I am angry.
2. This anger is about me.
3. What does it have to teach me?
4. What is it that I don't want to know or admit?
5. What else is it I don't want to feel?
6. How am I kidding myself?
7. What do I really want?

Joseph Liberti
EQ At Work

Copyright 1998-2007 Joseph Liberti. All rights reserved. Joseph Liberti coaches leaders and coaches to liberate authentic self through the development of emotional intelligence. Feel free to copy and distribute this article as long as you keep this credit. For more excerpts from Joseph's new book visit the True You Blog.

Using Humor To Build Rapport

Emotional Intelligence Tip: Using Humor To Build Rapport

Building rapport is a valuable skill of emotional intelligence. When you establish a real connection between yourself and others you can transcend differences and create a context of possibility where all solutions are possible. One of the techniques we teach in our advanced EQ coaching class is called "enrollment" - the process of building extraordinary rapport and getting buy-in for your ideas or activities.  Enrollment is essentially the process of invitation and acceptance. You invite, they accept - connection made. I frequently like to do this with appropriate humor and I recently had an experience that is a great example of mutual connection.

Be Authentically Proud: You’ll be happier and by the way…so will we

Be Authentically Proud: You’ll be happier and by the way…so will we

Authentic pride can make your life easier and more satisfying. And it has some wonderful side effects – It improves the lives of others and can build your business.

The giant-sized clock on the wall behind him read 10:00 AM and he said, ”You must be Joseph.” “I’m Steve,” It was way too pristine to be a transmission repair shop. The waiting room looked more like a dentists office. In fact my dentist’s office doesn’t look as good. Someone had enthusiastically referred me to this place as the best place to get my transmission repaired.

While I waited for Wally to check out my vehicle,

Emotional Intelligence At Work: The Essence of Connecting

Emotional Intelligence At Work: The Essence of Connecting

Link: Study Says Chatty Doctors Forget Patients - New York Times.

Doctors are told that they must make a connection with patients. But, Dr. Borkan said, “the instruction is often imprecise — how do you make a connection?” Many think the way to do it is by talking about themselves.

Doing The Form But Not The Essence
Dr. Howard B. Beckman, medical director of the Rochester Individual Practice Association and an internist who was an author of the study, analyzed conversations between doctors and patients.

“I’d been saying for many years that disclosure was a form of patient support,” Dr. Beckman said. “If someone says, ‘I have a problem,’ and you say, ‘I understand because I have it, too,’ that would be comforting.” But, he added, “in truth that never happens.”

"Patients were not comforted, he said, and conversations got off track.

Believe In Yourself

Believe In Yourself

Jim Carey, comedy star, reveals:

"I wrote myself a check for ten million dollars for acting services rendered and dated it Thanksgiving 1995. I put it in my wallet and it deteriorated. And then, just before Thanksgiving 1995, I found out I was going to make ten million dollars for Dumb & Dumber. I put that check in the casket with my father because it was our dream together."

Coincidence? I think not. I think it demonstrates the law of attraction in action. If manifestation is so easy why doesn't everyone do it? Actually everyone does, to one degree or another. The results you get depend on how clear you are and what you are ready or willing to accept in your life. Be sure about this: Your ability to manifest is dependent on the strength of your intention and your belief in yourself.

One way to increase your belief in yourself is to regularly make small commitments to yourself and keep your promise. Your self-trust increases and your word begins to become law in the universe.

Doubt whom you will, but never yourself.     Christine Bovee
Link: Quote Details: Christine Bovee: Doubt whom you will,... - The Quotations Page.

Joseph Liberti

Copyright 1998-2007 Joseph Liberti. All rights reserved. Joseph Liberti coaches leaders and coaches to liberate authentic self through the development of emotional intelligence. Feel free to copy and distribute this article as long as you keep this credit. For more on developing emotional intelligence visit Joseph's EQ Tip Blog.

Authentic Presence: Your Field Of Power

Authentic presence elicits calm confidence and ease in those those come in contact with it. No doubt you have experienced it. Recall meeting someone, who just being around seemed to put you at ease. Someone with whom you soon felt connected and trusting. It wasn't because they were a close friend or what they were  saying that was so compelling, it was something about them. What is it about people like this that you and I are drawn to? It is their authentic presence.

Field of Power
In the Shabala tradition, authentic presence is defined  as...

Emotional Intelligence Tip: Good Vibrations from Validation

Emotional Intelligence Tip: Good Vibrations From Validation

To positively influence others or manage conflict you first need to connect - to create rapport or resonance. Sometimes the situation can make connection challenging but one thing that is uniquely effective is validation. Yesterday I was treated to a great experience and example of this when Jane called.
"Hello this is Jane from LDS calling," she said.  "If anything can go wrong ...

Yes, And Emotional Intelligence

Using emotional intelligence and leading with a yes will improve your results, and could get you more business or improve your reputation, but you may have to break a habit and let go of your story.

Oh Maaaan
"We are building a cabin in your area and I am interested in buying a large propane tank and arranging for propane delivery. Can you help me?" I asked. "Where do you live and how big a tank do you want?" she said. I gave her my location and told her I thought I needed a 250 gallon tank and wanted the kind I could bury in the ground. "Oh maaaan," came the disgusted-sounding response. "Why would you want to do that?" I gave my reasons and she told me why that was a mistake, gave me some prices and said "I don't know about delivery in that area, you'll have to talk to the boss."

We Don't Do That
"This is Mo. How can I hep you? said the boss when he came on the line.

Investing In Your Happiness

Link: It Might Pay to Follow Your Bliss - New York Times.

A study found that when people invested more in intrinsic values, like relationships and quality of life, and less in consumption, it seemed to increase their happiness. And, the study suggested, there may be a financial gain to doing so.

What is it you really want? At times in my life I have believed that my happiness would come from something I bought. I have been wrong before , how about you? How much time have you spent looking for something outside of you to complete you and make you happy. Don't misunderstand me, I do understand your drive for success, but consider what True You really wants. What are you going after that is ego food and what is it that is aligned with your real purpose and values.

Invest yourself in that which brings you authentic happiness.

Joseph Liberti

EQ Tip: Pay attention to feelings

Link: EQ Tip: What's EQ?.

"every workplace or life event has within it your feelings, your thoughts and the choices that you make that determine your actions and your results."

A new coaching client was describing to me his conversation with a potential customer. As he described the prospect's apparent resistance to his consulting service he said, "you know how people regard consultants," and went on. I stopped him for some coaching.

He became aware of how he feels when he thinks his value is challenged. He also became aware that his habitual reaction was costing him business.  Today I got an email from him telling me that by paying attention to his feelings in a similar conversation with another prospect,  he was able to be more resourceful and got an invitation to do a presentation at the prospect's company.

Paying attention to what you are feeling can be profitable in more ways that one.

Joseph Liberti